COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY (X-RATED) - MIKE IN DA - MARCH 11, 2011

 

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COMMENTS FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY (X-RATED)

Written by: Mike in DA

Date posted: 3/11/2011

COULD THIS BE THE COVER OF NEXT YEAR'S MIAMI HEAT TEAM CALENDAR?

E-MAIL TO NFLPA DIRECTOR COULD HALT NFL NEGOTIATIONS!

March 10 (SP) – The following is a copy of an e-mail received by SP from an anonymous source that could possibly halt the current NFL-NFLPA CBA negotiations:

Dear DeMaurice,

Hello! This is NBA Commissioner David Stern and NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman dropping you a note to wish you the best in negotiating with Roger Goodell and the NFL owners.

Reports are that you are getting closer to a deal that will prevent the 2011 NFL season from being cancelled. Good luck with that.

However, before you sign anything and save the 2011 season, we want to bring something to your attention.

You probably don’t know this, but we commissioners belong to the same synagogue and often hang out together. The two of us, Roger, and Bud Selig do a lot of stuff together in our free time. It’s a very exclusive club, sports commissioning, so we have a lot in common.

Just the other night, we were hanging out at one of the trendy places here in Manhattan that we frequent and Roger said some pretty rude things about you that we thought you should know about, before you sign anything with the NFL.

Roger called you a “bleeping schmuck” and a “total dumbass”. And then he went on to insult your mother. He also said the NFL owners are making more money than ever and that their goal is to screw the players as much as possible.

He also said that he doesn’t think you or the players have the guts to sit out an entire season. He called you all a bunch of  “big pussies”.

We are not making this up! He said all of it. And much more. Obviously, as a self-respecting man, you should end all current negotiations and announce that the 2011 season is effectively over.

Also, we would encourage you to tell NFL fans to spend their football dollars on NBA and NHL season tickets, as a way to stick it to the NFL. Pretty good idea, huh?

Also, what about having your star players attend a lot of our games. Even with the lockout, they’ll stay in the public view. And we’ll give them seats that get a lot of camera time at a reduced rate.

So long for now. Sorry for the bad news.

David Stern and Gary Bettman

HERE'S THE NEW LOGO FOR THE NEW LONGHORN TV NETWORK!

“SPYGATE” LAWSUIT IS FINALLY OFF THE COURT DOCKET!

Finally, the infamous NFL “Spygate” incident can be put to rest now. It’s surprising that “Spygate” could have consumed time and energy on the docket of the U.S. Supreme Court, but the court chose not to hear any more about it.

After the news broke out about the New England Patriots taping the New York Jets’ signals, a lawyer in New Jersey who is also a Jets’ season ticket holder sued the Patriots and Bill Belichick in a class action suit specifically claiming that he and other ticket holders had been tricked into watching games where the outcome was rigged. He asked for $185M for Jets’ fans.

The class-action suit was dismissed by a District Court and by the US Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia. That decision was appealed to the US Supreme Court; the members of the Supreme Court demonstrated wisdom in choosing not to hear any more about Mayer v. Belichick.

SOME MORE ATHLETE/CELEBRITY TWINS SEPARATED AT BIRTH: 

Mike Tomlin (Pittsburgh Steeler coach) and Mike Epps (actor)

Vlade Divac (former NBAer) and Yakov Smirnoff (comedian)

A.J. Burnett (NY Yankees) and Kid Rock (singer, musician)  



Mike Krzyzewski (Duke basketball head coach) and James Sikking (actor)

Norv Turner (San Diego Charger head coach) and Al Gore (former Vice President)

 Jarrett Jack (NBA journeyman) and Cuba Gooding Jr. (actor)

 Roger Federer (tennis champion) and Quentin Tarantino (director)

COOLEST SPORTS NICKNAMES: “BUTTERBEAN”

Today’s sports nicknames are terrible, such as K-Rod, Gonzo, and Bidge. They are nothing more than a combination of a player’s first and last name. But nicknames haven’t always been so bad.

Here is another cool one from the past: “Butterbean”

The round mound of boxer and MMA fighter, Eric Esch, is what’s known down South as “a big ol’ boy.” Although he’s just under six feet tall, he frequently tips the scales at well over 400 pounds. This girth became a problem in the mid-1990s when he was fighting in “Toughman” boxing contests around the South. The matches usually had a maximum weight limit of 400 pounds, so the lard-laden Esch would have to go on diets to make weight. He often ate only chicken and butterbeans when he was trying to trim down, and the nickname was born. He chose “Butterbean,” of course, because a fighter named “Chicken” is not wildly intimidating.

SOME MORE "HELP WANTED" ADS FOR SPORTS JOBS:

LIAR! LIAR! OHIO STATE ON FIRE!

Last Fall, after Tennessee basketball coach, Bruce Pearl, admitted lying to NCAA investigators about a rules violation, I asked how the NCAA could keep him on the sidelines when they suspended Dez Bryant for an entire season for doing the same thing. A few months later, the same NCAA allowed Jim Calhoun to continue coaching at UConn.

Now the same NCAA is looking at the situation of Jim Tressel at THE Ohio State University who has already admitted that he knew of rules violations months before the last season began and that he covered up that information and then lied about when he knew it.

How can the NCAA allow him to stay in that job without at least one year of suspension? Remember, this is not the first time Jim Tressel and THE Ohio State University have violated NCAA rules; they may not be as blatant as SMU was back in the 80s when SMU got “The Death Penalty”, as shown in the "30-30" documentry on the subject, but Ohio State has had enough dirt on it to rank as a dirty program under Tressel.

E. Gordon Gee. the president of THE Ohio State University was the person who declared late last year that teams from non-BCS Conferences should not be considered for the BCS Championship Game because their opponents were “The Little Sisters of the Poor”.

Memo to President E. Gordon Gee: The ball is in your court. You have a chronic liar and cheat as your football coach. You like to preach in public about universities and their important role in society. So, what are you going to do here? Remember Mr. Gee, integrity is like virginity; you only get to lose it once.

And here are three questions for the NCAA President, Mark Emmert:

1. Can you say with a degree of certainty that there are a dozen NCAA Division 1 football and basketball programs that are 100% clean?

2. Do you or the folks who work for you even care if there are fewer than a dozen clean programs out there?

3. What do the folks who work in your “enforcement” and “security” actually do for a living?

ANOTHER STUPID SIGN FOR ESPN!

CRIER’S CORNER



BASKETBALL ACTION

The Crier continues on a roll, as it is now 13 consecutive non-losing days:


Date: W-L
2/26: 12-3
2/27: 5-1
2/28: 1-1
3/1: 6-2
3/2: 6-3
3/3: 4-1
3/4: 5-4
3/5: 10-5
3/6: 3-2
3/7: 2-2
3/8: 8-3
3/9: 7-4
3/10: 11-4
Total: 80-35 (69.6%)

Yesterday’s Record ATS: 11-4

 W - DENVER (+3.5) over PHOENIX*

BIG EAST CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Madison Square Garden, New York, NY)
W - SYRACUSE (-2.5) over ST. JOHN’S*


ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, NC)
W - VIRGINIA TECH (-5.5) over GEORGIA TECH


MID-AMERICAN CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, OH)
L - MIAMI OH (+3.5) over AKRON
W - KENT STATE (Pick ‘em) over BUFFALO


BIG XII CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Spring Center, Kansas City, MO)
L - KANSAS STATE (-7.5) over COLORADO
W - TEXAS A&M (+3) over MISSOURI


SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Georgia Dome, Atlanta, GA)
W - GEORGIA (-11) over AUBURN


CONFERENCE USA TOURNAMENT (at Don Haskins Center, EL Paso, TX)
W - EAST CAROLINA (+8) over UAB


BIG TEN CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, IN)
W - NORTHWESTERN (-1) over MINNESOTA
W - PENN STATE (-4) over INDIANA


PAC-10 CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Staples Center, Los Angeles, CA)
L - WASHINGTON (-5.5) over WASHINGTON STATE


MOUNTAIN WEST CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Thomas & Mack Arena, Las Vegas, NV) 
W - UNLV* (-14) over AIR FORCE


WESTERN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Orleans Arena, Las Vegas, NV)
L - NEVADA (+1.5) over NEW MEXICO STATE


BIG WEST CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Honda Center, Anaheim, CA)
W - UC IRVINE (+10) over LONG BEACH STATE

Cumulative Season Record ATS (excludes “pushes”): 483-302


Today’s Action (for reading purposes only):

NBA


NEW JERSEY (+2.5) over LA CLIPPERS
The huge upgrade at the point with Deron Williams will only help this young Nets team grow. The Nets will have a hard time convincing him to re-up though, unless they go out and get some guys that can ball. This is a comfortable home stand for the Nets and they will have two full days to rest before entertaining the Celtics. NEW JERSEY, 99-94


INDIANA (+1) over TORONTO*
Like a free bird, the Pacers turned it on as soon as they got a new coach. Mike Dunleavy was having a pretty productive year, but he broke his left thumb. It was a rough go for the Raptors in Indy the last day of January as despite forcing 25 turnovers, they lost the game by 11 mainly because they were out rebounded by 18. INDIANA, 104-94


SAN ANTONIO* (-11) over SACRAMENTO
The Spurs could take this game lightly, but it figures to be recognized quickly by Coach Popovich and he’ll either scream them into submission or sit the starters down. Both of these tactics will work on a team that knows when to crank it up. The Spurs beat this team in California last month when the Texans shut down DeMarcus Cousins, who only could muster seven points. SAN ANTONIO, 116-94

COLLEGE HOOPS

BIG EAST CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Madison Square Garden, New York, NY)
SYRACUSE (-1) over CONNECTICUT


ATLANTIC-10 CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Boardwalk Hall, Atlantic City, NJ)
DAYTON (+7) over XAVIER
TEMPLE (-10.5) over LASALLE


BIG XII CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Sprint Center, Kansas City, Missouri)
KANSAS (-11) over COLORADO


WESTERN ATHLETIC CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Orleans Arena, Las Vegas, NV)
UTAH STATE (-11.5) over SAN JOSE STATE


MOUNTAIN WEST CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Thomas & Mack Arena, Las Vegas, NV)
SAN DIEGO STATE (+1) over UNLV


PAC-10 CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Staples Center, Los Angeles, CA)
ARIZONA (-1) over USC


ATLANTIC COAST CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT ( at Greensboro Coliseum, Greensboro, NC)
MIAMI FL (+8) over NORTH CAROLINA


SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Georgia Dome, Atlanta, GA)
GEORGIA (+1.5) over ALABAMA
FLORIDA (-1.5) over TENNESSEE


BIG TEN CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT (at Conseco Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, IN)
NORTHWESTERN (+9.5) over OHIO STATE
MICHIGAN (+3) over ILLINOIS

MIKE IN DA

HMW

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